Reasons why your spouse is cheating

Do you suspect that your partner is having an affair? It is a painful and devastating thought, most specially if you have always felt that you had a happy marriage and that nothing was wrong.

For those who never saw it coming, you may wonder, “How could this be happening? I can’t believe it.” In reality, you must also ask yourself why this is happening or why it happened.

Difficult as it is to do this, you will need to dig deeper and find the reasons why your spouse is cheating. Although it is important to get evidence and know the truth about the affair, knowing why is also just as important.

Reasons why your spouse is cheating may be totally unexpected and come as a complete shock to the partner who was cheated on.

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It may not be about someone who is younger, better looking, or better in bed. It may simply be because the affair is something different and that the cheating partner feels good that someone is else is attracted to him or her.

The feeling of being desired by someone else is a powerful motivating factor in deciding to have an affair. Other reasons your spouse is cheating could be unhappiness and dissatisfaction from the current relationship.

Sad as it is, when this happens, the unfaithful partner may have been looking to find a connection and found it in someone else. Believe it or not, and shallow as it may seem, other reasons why your spouse is cheating can come from satisfying his or her curiosity and feeling that the grass is greener on the other side.

Although the above reasons do not make having an affair justifiable or correct, they do offer significant insight as to where infidelities stem from—and from what we have learned so far, an affair stems from a need.  It also seems that, from the unfaithful party’s point of view, having an extra-marital relationship is a way to address this need.

If this is the case, does it mean that couples can actually safeguard their marriage from infidelity by being aware of each other’s needs? We can’t say for sure, as each relationship is different, but—it is safe to say that in a marriage, there are various needs that need to be fulfilled.

There are the needs of the couple and there are also individual needs. While the common goals you have set together as a couple are important, it is just as crucial to take a look at each other’s personal goals. Discuss these individual needs with each other and determine how these can be met.

Other reasons why your spouse is cheating could be to address the following needs. What can you do about it?

• The need for attention – When you’re married it is easy to take each other for granted. After all, you are living under one roof and see each other every day. This makes it more challenging perhaps, to offer your partner the attention that he or she still needs.

Sometimes we forget that attention doesn’t have to mean sending flowers and chocolates everyday—a simple and sincere “Hi, how was your day today” when your spouse comes home from work or “What do you feel like having for dinner?” are little ways to give your partner the attention they need everyday.

• The need to feel desired – This does not necessarily mean sex. More often than not, your partner is just looking to hear a compliment or two—to validate that you still find him or her desirable—or perhaps, to validate to themselves that they are still attractive.

When was the last time you paid your partner a sincere compliment about his or her outfit or new haircut? A little compliment goes a long way to make the person you care about feel attractive and loved.

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• The need for sex – Has sex become a chore that you feel you need to get over and done with? Worse, has the sex stopped altogether? If so, then it’s time to spice things up.

Why not go away for the weekend and rekindle the romance? If this is not possible at the moment, then go out on dates, watch movies, take a walk after dinner or have an ice cream cone at the mall. The point is to spend some time alone together to talk about your dreams, problems or simply what went on during the day or week.

Find this connection you once had when you first met and chances are, you will also find the romance and desire to liven up your sex life.

• The need to escape from the reality of an unhappy situation – An unhappy relationship could be caused by one of the above, a combination or all of the items mentioned.

Or reasons why your spouse is cheating may not even be on this list—bottom line is, if there is unhappiness in the relationship, you must find its cause and then figure out how to address the unhappiness.

The best way to do this is to communicate with each other regularly. Are there things making each of you unhappy or dissatisfied?

For example, is one spouse tired and exhausted from managing the finances? Or, is one partner’s long working hours making him or her exhausted and cranky?

Talk about these matters and work out solutions as a couple.