Is your spouse really cheating?
How do they communicate? How often are they together? Are they just close friends having lunch or dinner once in a while?
Are they co-workers who happen to spend a lot of time together because of their projects? Is your spouse is really cheating? How do you know?
First we need to define what cheating is. Is spending time with someone cheating? Is talking to that person cheating?
If you spend time with and talk to another person who isn’t your partner and you feel tempted to start a physical relationship with this person—is this cheating?
Let’s look into the various gray areas of what some may or may not consider as cheating.
A person in a relationship sometimes feels that he or she needs to validate his or her attractiveness and boost their self-esteem by flirting with other people.
Some would say this is not cheating as long as no physical or sexual contact has been made. It is important to note however that flirting is dangerous because of what it may lead to.
One minute you are flirting, the next minute you may be kissing—and we all know what kissing can lead to.
Is kissing considered cheating? A woman will most often say yes because women feel that a kiss is an emotional experience.
A man, on the other hand, may not think so since a kiss for most men is just a physical experience. Nonetheless, once bodily fluids have been exchanged, cheating has taken place.
Put your suspicions to rest once and for all!
A kiss is a passionate exchange between two people, signifying that they have feelings for each other. Some will blame the alcohol as the drunken kiss is very common and alcohol can certainly cloud one’s judgment.
One can continue arguing that a kiss is just a kiss and not considered cheating—but this is where it gets dangerous. A kiss will almost always lead to something else.
If they are able to stop themselves from going further than a kiss, is it because one felt guilty? In this case, the kiss may have helped one realize how much they love their partner after all, since they felt guilty enough to stop it from going further.
This is much easier to figure out. Having sex is definitely cheating, no doubt about it.
If your partner tries to convince you that it meant nothing and that it was just sex—that maybe so, but it is still considered cheating.
Once you have confirmed that your partner has had sex with another person, it will be harder to accept and forgive.
Strip clubs, porn sites
What about strip clubs and porn sites? Is your spouse really cheating by going to strip clubs and visiting porn sites?
They can always argue that they are just looking—not touching—and so no physical contact was made. Of course, there is always reason to worry as we have already mentioned—one thing can lead to another.
One minute your partner can simply be watching and before you know it, he is getting a lap dance, bringing the experience to a whole new level.
When someone naked is that close to your partner, who knows what can happen afterwards.
Your partner’s need to watch strippers—whether at strip clubs or porn sites, may just mean that he has some fantasies he wants to act out—and he could feel ashamed and embarrassed to tell you.
So don’t freak out immediately—it doesn’t mean that they want to sleep with the strippers. Try to get to the bottom of this need.
Is it something you can explore together as a couple so that he no longer has to go to these places? Talk it out until you learn what is motivating this behavior.
Put your suspicions to rest once and for all!
Hanging out with someone
If your partner is spending time with someone else, is your spouse really cheating? Hanging out with someone is not classified as cheating.
A word of caution though—this can easily escalate into cheating. Let your partner know that you are unhappy about it and find out why they need to spend time with someone else.
It’s possible that your partner is enjoying the attention from this person and they are getting a boost in their self-confidence.
Talk to your spouse and learn where else this need to feel validated by someone else is coming from. The fact that your partner is seeking attention from somebody else is a sign of trouble in your relationship.
About the emotional affair
Is your spouse really cheating if he is having an emotional affair, versus a physical or sexual one?
While some may feel relieved that there was no physical relationship that ever took place, others feel seriously threatened and devastated once they learn their partner is having an emotional affair—and rightly so.
As a married couple, your spouse is NOT just your husband or wife, but also, your best friend and lover. He or she should be the first person you would go to for any problems or insecurities.
When you feel the need to confide your troubles, hopes and dreams in someone else, you are in fact overlooking or even replacing your spouse.
Therefore, an emotional affair indicates that the marriage may be starting to fail.
Just how serious is the emotional affair?
Back to the question, is your spouse really cheating by having an emotional affair? Is an emotional affair a real affair?
The answer is to the questions are yes, an emotional affair is serious and real, as it may be headed for something else beyond just friendship.
Although nothing may have happened yet physically or sexually, there is clearly the possibility of the intention to cheat—so you need to take this seriously. Have a talk with your spouse.
Are you open to seeking professional counseling? Find out how you can get to the root of the problem so you can start re-building the relationship.